6/30 Things: Hardest
(To get caught up on 30 Things and know what it is all about start here.)
My inspiration for this set of posts comes from a great blog called Hopes & Dreams, you should really check her out.
What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
Depression, fear, loss, and loneliness. Those together were the hardest thing I have ever had to come through. I didn't know it at the time, I did not even know it till years later when I found and was reading through journal pages from the months after my friend passed how bad it had been for me. How deeply I had sunk into a depression where I honestly saw no way out. Its funny were are coming up on 10 years here the end of this month since her passing, so its been about 9.3 since I crawled my way out of that dark place. I can still close my eyes and remember the night we got reacquainted and see & feel it all like it was yesterday, but the morning of the phone call, the hours at the hospital, the days after preparing for the funeral. I only remember not crying, and telling my self to be strong for the other girls those are more of a blur.
I am ashamed to say that after her death I did not do a very good job of keeping in touch with may of those girls aside from Kassi, and eventually even her and I even drifted apart. That was so gradual that I didn't even notice till she was no longer a part of my life. (that is something in more recent years I have rectified, Kassi and I visit/get together at least 1 time a year (preferably more) even thought we live cross country from each other)
I have also experienced many of these 4 emotions at different times in my life as well. (parents divorce, loss of family members, break-ups, cancer in my best friend, moving away from everything I know and love to a place where I know virtually no one) It was very hard for me to chose one that was more painful than the others, but Sara's death was a pretty dark time for me. I was angry for a very long time, so many "Whys?" that were going unanswered. I think the time after her death is the first time I can say I was honestly (could have been diagnosed as) depressed. [which is why I chose it as my hardest] I have been seriously depressed several more times in the 10 years since her passing but I am a lucky one. I have always been able to find my way out of the dark, usually with the help of good friends, on my own with out the need of medications (although I have seen a counselor a times just to have some one to talk to that was disconnected from it all) It is not always easy for me to notice that I am on a downward slide. Some times it takes me looking back at my writing or others around me to say "HEY" before I realize and am able to seek help and/or start to work on things to make my situtation better.
Here is a quick plug for those out there in need, if you know anyone suffering from depression/if you are suffering from depression. Its okay to seek help, do it/suggest it. And get knowledgeable about what helps! This is a great site for tips and ideas, helpguide.org
Sláinte,
Kat
I have also experienced many of these 4 emotions at different times in my life as well. (parents divorce, loss of family members, break-ups, cancer in my best friend, moving away from everything I know and love to a place where I know virtually no one) It was very hard for me to chose one that was more painful than the others, but Sara's death was a pretty dark time for me. I was angry for a very long time, so many "Whys?" that were going unanswered. I think the time after her death is the first time I can say I was honestly (could have been diagnosed as) depressed. [which is why I chose it as my hardest] I have been seriously depressed several more times in the 10 years since her passing but I am a lucky one. I have always been able to find my way out of the dark, usually with the help of good friends, on my own with out the need of medications (although I have seen a counselor a times just to have some one to talk to that was disconnected from it all) It is not always easy for me to notice that I am on a downward slide. Some times it takes me looking back at my writing or others around me to say "HEY" before I realize and am able to seek help and/or start to work on things to make my situtation better.
Here is a quick plug for those out there in need, if you know anyone suffering from depression/if you are suffering from depression. Its okay to seek help, do it/suggest it. And get knowledgeable about what helps! This is a great site for tips and ideas, helpguide.org
Sláinte,
Kat
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