3/30 Things: Parents

3/30 Things: Parents

(to know what this is about and get caught up on all of 30 things so far, start here.)

Describe your relationship with your parents.

I love both my parents very much but our relationships have been turbulent at best.

My parents divorced when I was in 6th grade, but separated when I was in 4th.  I still remember the talk.  They sat us down on the floor just inside my brothers bedroom and told us that daddy was going to be living with his friend Rusty for a while but that didn't mean he didn't love us.  That didn't last long, my dad had his own place in a matter of weeks, and weekend with dad started then.  

I never doubted my parents love for us, and I never felt deprived of anything.  I did however resent my dad in later years because I had no social life and no chance to really date at all in high school because every weekend had to be spent at his house (which was 45 minutes away) I could not go out during the week with my friends because it was a school night, and I could not hang out on the weekend because we had to go to Dad's. 

My relationship with my dad hit rock bottom when I was 19, I had been living with him and going to college for about a year at this point and one morning he woke up and was pissed that me and girlfriend were asleep in the basement with two of the guys we hang out with also asleep.  We had stayed up late watching movies and were all still sitting up on the couch/chairs but sound asleep with the movie still playing.  I had went upstairs and told my dad that they guys were going to be staying over but he didn't remember. (sadly both of my parents are functioning alcoholics) SO he called me a whore and kicked me out of his house.  He and I didn't talk much again over the next 2 years.  I moved back in with my mom, then out to California for a few months with my dad's sister before going to finish my bachelors degree at Iowa State.  Dad and I have moved past his shortsightedness and have a pretty decent relationship now.  He calls randomly to "chat" which usually involves some kind of tech questions as well and we visit at holidays, if I am not flying up north to be with mom's family.  I love my dad and I know he loves me.  He thinks of us and our needs he just comes from a very cold and distant family so he doesn't know (since he never received or saw growing up) how to just give love and affections just because.  

My mom and I have always gotten along better when we have not lived together.  Although lately it just doesn't seem to matter.  She and I are currently on the outs and it makes my heart ache but I am not giving in this time.  It is not me she is angry with and I am sick to death of being her verbal punching bag.  I finally stood up for my self this Christmas and told her not to take out her aggression on me when it wasn't me she was feeling aggressive towards and she threatened to "rip my throat out if I ever spoke to her like that again."  I have only spoke to her once since then and that was just a response to text message saying I was glad she had landed safely in San Juan (she went on her first real vacation in 30 years I am so proud of her) My mom (like my father) is a functioning alcoholic, meaning she gets up and goes to work and functions perfectly each day till she gets home.  She cracks a beer before she even puts her purse down and from there out is done.  She does not function socially  because once she has a beer she won't drive, and she has a beer as soon as she walks in the door from work. (I personally think she does it on purpose) The worse is family parties, she is only one of her brothers and sisters (she is the oldest of 7) who is divorced and so each and every family gathering she gets ridiculously drunk feeling sorry for her self and leaves it to her kids (me and my bothers) to clean up her mess & take care of her drunk self. I have resented her for this for years, and it is part of the reason why I refuse to move back home (permanently) because I know I will just end up her keeper.  Prior to this break down my mom and I would talk at least 4 nights a week, about anything and everything.  I would call on my way home from work / KungFu and we would talk until I got home.  We don't / didn't always see eye to eye but she always listened  and offered advice and different point of view (she is not as pessimistic as I am).  So for now, things are strained but they will get better.  I just can no longer be blamed old for things that were never my fault to begin with and some things now that have absolutely nothing to do with me at all. 

Tomorrow: 10 things you would tell your 16 years old self ... if you could.

Släinte,

Kat