2/30 Things: Fears

2/30 Questions to get to know me better: Fears

(To get caught up on 30 Things and know what it is all about start here.)

Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

I have a fear of needles. Not of them as objects but of them puncturing my skin. I can handle a needle just fine, I can sew, I can even give shots but if I know that needle is going to puncture my skin I start to hyper ventilate and attempt to bolt. Now I have gotten better over the years as I was diagnosed with a thyroid disorder that requires me to get my blood drawn every 4-6 months. I am now (almost 10 years later) able to sit with out being held down and get my blood drawn. I have also been able to get a tattoo where I could see it being done and my nose pierced. All of which have taken a significant amount of will power and the nearly broken hand of my friends Judy and Juliana. Now if I could only summon that will power to actually work out daily .... any way I don't know where this fear originated from. Mom things maybe from when I was a baby and I got my first round of vaccinations Turns out I am severely allergic to the Pertussis vaccine. It is very painful for me to get, its causes high fever, seizures and incredible soreness at the injection site for days after wards.

I have a fear of being killed by a train. Yes I know a bit odd right?? I had a horrid dream that I died by being hit by a train while in a car, no I can't remember the specifics, but I was shortly after my dad had been hit by a train (yes he lived) and it has stayed with me. That is all I have for that one. So I am very caution at train crossings never stopping anywhere near the tracks where I may get stopped on them, stopping on one side and waiting till there is enough room on the other side to totally clear my car before i will even venture across. I am no afraid to ride on trains, I do that frequently enough, just afraid to be hit by one while in a vehicle. 

I am afraid that I will never make anything of myself. I am afraid that I will go thought life with out ever finding that job that just fits, that makes me happy and that I do well and make a difference at. I miss working with kids and I have been trying for months now to get back into the field but I have not heard back from any of the jobs that I have applied for, and I have even reached down to the bottom and applied for some direct care jobs that I am totally over qualified for just to get back into the field down here!! but nothing, no call back, no calls to even check my references even. I don't necessary need that "dream job" although I would be nice but I would like a job where I feel like I am contributing to society once again, where my life has purpose and meaning. Right now I am just floating along and its sad and lonely.

Tune in tomorrow: relationships with your parents

Släinte,

Kat