Question #9

To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

I can say with some honestly that I have not put forth much effort to steer the course of my life until recently. I have pretty much just gone with the flow of things, letting my interactions & relationships with other have a resounding effect on my life decisions.  For instance, I had always said that I was going to move to a large city (like New York, Atlanta or San Diego) after graduating from collage to life for a year just to say I did it.  To say that I survived living in a big city that is as I am from the county and it was/is truly questionable if I could.  Yet while in college I met Xavvov and fell in love, and since he was younger than me I stayed in Ames (where we went to college) waiting for him to graduate college rather than going off to a big city.  Yet when things ended for us, I had already established a career for my self in Ames as well as friend and a home so I didn't leave.  I stayed because it was familiar, comfortable and had no risk involved.  that is the key right there I think, I am afraid to take the risk to do something new.  That is why me packing up and moving to Texas came as such a shock to me and some of my other friends & family as well I think.  Tyhp seemed blown away that I was actually going to leave, well him.  I have regrets as far back as high school about the way I let other people control the things that I did, that I was not strong enough to stand up for myself.  I have just recently (last few days recent) decided that my usual stance of keeping my mouth shut/being polite and respectful needs to stop.Now I am and not saying I am going to start being a huge bitch and treating everyone I encounter with disrespect or disdain but some times things needs to be said and in the past I have let a lot of things slide because I don't want to upset the other party involved but it has always ended with me being used, manipulated or taken advantage of and I am fucking sick of it!! So watch out everyone, I am (well going to try to) take life by the horns and control my own destiny.