Insanity

Well here goes nothing.  Fit Test 1 Day 1

Move	Fit Test 1	Fit Test 2	Fit Test 3	Fit Test 4	Fit Test 5
	Day 1	Day 15	Day 36	Day 50	Day 63
1. Switch Kicks	49
2. Power Jacks	35
3. Power Knees	56
4. Power Jumps	21
5. Globe Jumps	7
6. Suicide Jumps	8
7. Push-up Jacks	10
8. Low Plank Oblique	17

So I don't know what has gotten into me this month but I just can't seem to drag my self out of bed.  When I am not at work, which honestly is not very often, I am usually sleeping.  I can't seem to stop sleeping, even when I set my alarm to get up and do things, to be active I just cant make myself get out of bed.  I think that maybe I need to get my blood work done again to check my thyroid levels.  It has been nearly a year at this point and I have lost about 45 pounds.

There is another sore point for me, I have been using the hcg again for nearly 3 weeks and I am only down about 4 pounds but I honestly have not stuck to the diet as I should. I keep eating carbs, especially at work. French toast, waffles, omelets and oh my gosh the cranberry muffins...They are so amazing.
I get mad at my self after I eat them but I have not shown the will power like I did last time to not eat them in the first place.  I am getting super angry with myself because I really want to look good for the weddings in July but I can't say that I have put in any real effort to change me or my habits in the last few weeks.
I can't seem to find the motivation inside my self to do much of anything.  I have not been out with friends, working on my projects around the house or even been playing my video games and reading all that much, just sleeping a lot.
Maybe I am depressed again,  now that I am putting this all down on paper, well on screen really, I can see the signs much more clearly.  I know that I have not been exactly happy lately but I didn't think I was this bad.  I miss my friends, I have family here which is great and I love being so close to everyone, but they have their own lives and friends.  I feel lost and very alone. I don't know if I should move back to Iowa though, everyone is moving on with their lives, getting married, going back to school ect, but not me.  So would I even fit in anymore?  Would I have a life there to step back into?
I have been thinking a lot about grad school lately and going back to when I was little thinking about law school.  But I have always been a poor test taker and I would need to take both my GRE and LSAT for that.  I don't know if I could handle that, so turning into what I always got mad at Xavvov for I am doing nothing in fear of failing.

Sláinte,
Kat

Good bye to binge eating

So I have spent the last two days eating just about anything I wanted. It was kinda nice but at the same time I was never really that hungry so that kinda diminished my joy in binge eating. 

I guess I have cured my self of that bored so I eat habit that has plagued me for so long.  Plus I am full after much less food now a days, also a plus. 

Well the reason for this stuffing my face few days is that I am "loading" once again.  I have decided to do one more round before the string of weddings that I have coming up at the end of the summer.  I am really proud of the progress that I have made and I am looking forward to making more.  I am really hoping to drop at least another 20 but we will see.  I need to get my ass to the gym or at least the Tai Chi classes that are offered at the spa at work.  Something besides working and playing on my computer. 

So tomorrow starts another 40 days of the very low calorie diet.  I am not so nervous this time as I know I can do it, I did it once already but I am worried about all the foods that I once again can't have.  Like peanut butter, mushrooms, eggs, cheese and having my veggie portions being unlimited.  Although I must say even with that my portions did not grow much, I ate a lot of salads with more lettuce that just the 3.5oz and with multiple toppings rather that just 1 veg and 1 protein.  I will miss my beautiful salads.

Well stay tuned for more.

Sláinte, 
Kat