So as you may already know, I have never lived entirely on my own. I have always had roommates or lived with family.
As hard as this change has been emotionally, and completely unexpected, I have kind of enjoyed having a space that is 100% mine.
I have no one to blame for its condition besides me, if the dishes are not done that's on me, if the bed is not made that's is on me. And when I do clean up .... It stays tidy!
Poor Gunner has been struggling with the change, he too, having lived everywhere with me and has always had others around. He has been super in edge, he barks at every little sound and has even been sleeping in bed with me at night. He misses G too. He sticks to me like glue, under foot at all times, even lying right out side the shower to the point where I have to climb over him to get out.
I haven't gone out much, been hibernating. I have rearranged the house a bit. Moved couches around in the living room, and the elliptical. Told my self I was going to start using it regularly since it has a clear view to the TV now ... That hasn't happened.
I also changed my room around completely. I took G's desk apart and moved mine near the door, it kind of extends the hallway and now you can't see my bed from the hallway. Figured it would be a little more privacy once I do find someone new to move in. I then moved my bed under the windows and into the frame that G left behind, so I have a head and foot board now ... Maybe my pillows will stop falling off the bed.
It was a lot of work alone. And a TON if cleaning, there was at least 10lbs if dog hair under the bed when I moved it.
It's been cathartic to have it feel a little less "our" home and is now just a house I reside in. Yet at the same time heartbreaking. When he first left and I thought I would have to move as well, well that's still not totally out of the picture, I looked around and realized that we had/have a lot of stuff. You accumulate a lot in 4+ years. It was completely disheartening to realize I would have to move it all, and possibly soon.
As nice as it has been only being responsible for myself I am lonely and I mourn for the life we were building together that he so easily turned his back on.
How do you guys handle trying to move in and rebuild your life after heart break??
As hard as this change has been emotionally, and completely unexpected, I have kind of enjoyed having a space that is 100% mine.
I have no one to blame for its condition besides me, if the dishes are not done that's on me, if the bed is not made that's is on me. And when I do clean up .... It stays tidy!
Poor Gunner has been struggling with the change, he too, having lived everywhere with me and has always had others around. He has been super in edge, he barks at every little sound and has even been sleeping in bed with me at night. He misses G too. He sticks to me like glue, under foot at all times, even lying right out side the shower to the point where I have to climb over him to get out.
I haven't gone out much, been hibernating. I have rearranged the house a bit. Moved couches around in the living room, and the elliptical. Told my self I was going to start using it regularly since it has a clear view to the TV now ... That hasn't happened.
I also changed my room around completely. I took G's desk apart and moved mine near the door, it kind of extends the hallway and now you can't see my bed from the hallway. Figured it would be a little more privacy once I do find someone new to move in. I then moved my bed under the windows and into the frame that G left behind, so I have a head and foot board now ... Maybe my pillows will stop falling off the bed.
It was a lot of work alone. And a TON if cleaning, there was at least 10lbs if dog hair under the bed when I moved it.
It's been cathartic to have it feel a little less "our" home and is now just a house I reside in. Yet at the same time heartbreaking. When he first left and I thought I would have to move as well, well that's still not totally out of the picture, I looked around and realized that we had/have a lot of stuff. You accumulate a lot in 4+ years. It was completely disheartening to realize I would have to move it all, and possibly soon.
As nice as it has been only being responsible for myself I am lonely and I mourn for the life we were building together that he so easily turned his back on.
How do you guys handle trying to move in and rebuild your life after heart break??
I have been handling ... or not handling it as it were, by binge watching a lot of Netflix. Gilmore Girls at the moment and purging, both my mind into my journal and the house. I have taken 2 large boxes to goodwill already and I am only just getting started.
It is a liberating experience to live alone, even as my heart continues to break apart each day.
No comments:
Post a Comment