I guess I will start at the beginning and talk about everything to see if in this process I can figure it all out.
I can't say at what point my feelings for Typh became more than that of friends, but I can say it happened long before I ever ended things with Xav. When it became obvious to me that I had a crush, okay so maybe it was a bit more than a crush on Typh, I should have ended things with Xav I know that. But we had been together for so long and it was comfortable and safe.
Plus I knew Typh would never be interested in me, I don't have what many would call the "ideal" body and sadly he is shallow. Typh and I used to go to breakfast after morning shifts at work and we honestly spent most of the time talking about Xav and I. Typh is very well full of him self and was convinced he could and would figure out why Xav didn't want to/like having sex. It was the down fall of our relationship. I constantly felt rejected and undesired by him which lead to me get upset and easily triggered by things that normally would not have bothered me, or I would have addressed with out getting so angry that I blow up. I stayed with Xav out of comfort and to hide from what I was feeling for Typh because I knew those feelings would never be reciprocated.
Eventually through these talks and our time spent together at work he became a very good friend then eventually my best friend. I tried to hide from my feeling, I even helped Typh get a girl he was interested in a few different times truthfully. It's not that I didn't love Xav, I did maybe still do but after a while there was no passion from him and that eventually killed us.
So now we sit at me ending things with Xav the morning after i nearly gave into desires to fool around with Typh. I ended the rendezvous before it went anywhere but the thoughts and desire to do so was still enough to have my heart break with guilt for what I did. I never told Xav what happened but when he got home that next morning I told him we needed to talk. I told him it just wasn't working for me any more, that it didn't feel like he felt the same about me/us. He agreed and that was the end. It was strange it didn't really hurt. Maybe because in my heart I knew it had been over long before that morning I was just too scared to say it out loud.
I can't say at what point my feelings for Typh became more than that of friends, but I can say it happened long before I ever ended things with Xav. When it became obvious to me that I had a crush, okay so maybe it was a bit more than a crush on Typh, I should have ended things with Xav I know that. But we had been together for so long and it was comfortable and safe.
Plus I knew Typh would never be interested in me, I don't have what many would call the "ideal" body and sadly he is shallow. Typh and I used to go to breakfast after morning shifts at work and we honestly spent most of the time talking about Xav and I. Typh is very well full of him self and was convinced he could and would figure out why Xav didn't want to/like having sex. It was the down fall of our relationship. I constantly felt rejected and undesired by him which lead to me get upset and easily triggered by things that normally would not have bothered me, or I would have addressed with out getting so angry that I blow up. I stayed with Xav out of comfort and to hide from what I was feeling for Typh because I knew those feelings would never be reciprocated.
Eventually through these talks and our time spent together at work he became a very good friend then eventually my best friend. I tried to hide from my feeling, I even helped Typh get a girl he was interested in a few different times truthfully. It's not that I didn't love Xav, I did maybe still do but after a while there was no passion from him and that eventually killed us.
So now we sit at me ending things with Xav the morning after i nearly gave into desires to fool around with Typh. I ended the rendezvous before it went anywhere but the thoughts and desire to do so was still enough to have my heart break with guilt for what I did. I never told Xav what happened but when he got home that next morning I told him we needed to talk. I told him it just wasn't working for me any more, that it didn't feel like he felt the same about me/us. He agreed and that was the end. It was strange it didn't really hurt. Maybe because in my heart I knew it had been over long before that morning I was just too scared to say it out loud.
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